Honestly, is it when you think that things can’t possibly get more depressing in the world that you start to feel it being unemployed that you find yourself in a hole you can’t crawl out of? When does pride start being less and less important and you decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and get out of your rut?
I’m in month #3 right now here in San Francisco and I’ve had some fun in my time here, walking around and seeing the sights, doing things that are pretty cool. But as each day goes on, I’m finding myself still wishing that I had some form of income…and insurance. Frankly, I’m getting worried. I don’t know whether to stick it out here for the next few months or return back to my sense of security back at home and face the fact of going back with my proverbial “tail tucked in-between my legs”. It can be humbling…and I’m not sure if I’m willing to throw it all away.
Where’s the professional development? Where’s my motivation? Where’s the fact that I want to be something? I dunno…perhaps it’s because I’m a little bit depressed and not motivated. This has to stop. I’ve had people in the past few weeks tell me that I should just go back home and continue my former position. Is that an option? Probably. Do I want to do that? Not entirely…but it IS a stable job thus far, but I’m not sure that it’s something I’m gonna be stress-free about. But would I be able to snatch another job in the area easily? I don’t know because frankly, where ARE the jobs? There aren’t any jobs…and it’s even more depressing.
How has my job search been going? It’s been doing simply that…going. There’s nothing more to say except that I’ve applied and now I’m waiting. But what about the other three jobs that I was sure I had a pretty good chance at? Well as it turns out, I obviously didn’t get them. Why? They wanted someone else…or they decided they didn’t need the position…or simply because they just felt they didn’t need to communicate a decision and my efforts to contact them went unheeded. So I’m moving on…and waiting.
You might be asking: So why aren’t you moving back home?
Like I said…it’s more of a sense of pride. I came out here to prove something. I told practically everyone that I was confident that I would get a job even with the crappy economy. I’m here to set a goal for myself dammit, and I’m really not keen on retreating and not saving face, dammit! This is where my industry is and I’d like to at least have a chance!
Other selfish reasons:
- I like the area…I need to explore the Bay Area some more because I don’t know when I’ll have another chance.
- I have a one year lease on my apartment and don’t think it would go well on my credit report or my rental history if I ditch in two months into my lease - although I don’t know how my landlord would take it.
- Paid a lot of money to ship my stuff over here and I’m not too happy about shipping stuff back.
So we’re here now…at day 78. Will anything change by the end of the month? Probably not. By the end of the year? Most likely not. Will I move back home? That’s anyone’s guess, but don’t rule it out.
Popularity: 38% [?]
Daily Life
No, before you ask…I am not going to join the Army or any other branch of the armed forces. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about it…but I’m not going to. I thought it would be nice, but that’s not the point of me writing this…
I’ve been on a “slump” recently over the past couple of months…and it’s no one’s fault. Maybe it’s because the country is a bit more pessimistic and I’m falling into that category of people who are in disbelief over the economy and the future. Sure, Barack Obama is promising change and I’m inspired by what he says, but that’s about it. Where are the changes going to happen and will it take place in the next year or are some of us doomed to live off the savings that most of us have now because of the unemployment rate? I’m not making excuses for why I’m not working…because I have applied to quite a few places. Although the last benchmark that I have was my last stint at unemployment which lasted about nine months…so I’m already two months into that.
But looking back in my gloom and slightly depressed mode, I become more reflective. Then the question comes to mind…are you sure you know what you want in life? Is where you are what you thought you’d be doing five years after you’ve graduated from college? I’m wondering whether marketing is my passion right now…I’m sure that it is, but what about photography? I love walking around with a camera. Is that something I should be focusing my efforts on right now? Is web design still something I enjoy doing? Haven’t done that for a few months or at least a year, so it could come back to me…just seeking that ounce of inspiration and motivation.
Have I become all that I want to be? No…I’m damn sure that I haven’t. Job aside, I need to get back on my feet and start doing what I’ve been doing few years ago…I need to start taking some initiative and remember that nothing is being handed to me. I need to go out and not be lazy and do things myself…now let’s see some motivation!
Popularity: 42% [?]
Daily Life
I was speaking with someone yesterday and they brought up the fact that the way things are right now, I should just pack up and head back east to hang out back in the mid-atlantic area. So what if I did that? I suppose that it’s been giving me some serious stuff to think about.
First, what about saving face? I came out here to try something new. Yes, the economy sucks majorly and I’m still looking for work, but right now it always seems that I’m making some really bad decisions. Looking back, I probably should have stuck it out in DC and perhaps probably gone to another company instead of shipping out. Either that or spend a couple of weeks out here in San Francisco and look for what I’m interested in here rather than giving up a cushy job in DC. Yes, I liked working in DC, but there were some “downsides” of being there. I think the bug of being in SF had greater appeal and I was hoping that I’d have a better chance of getting a job.
I think I seriously had a swelled head…here I am thinking that with my qualifications and experience, I’d be able to get a job in any company. The economy was a major blow but then again, the people who are looking at my resume are simply not responding. Maybe I’m just not connected…seeing that it’s taken me nearly two years in DC just to meet a few people and for them to notice me and take my knowledge and insights seriously.
What if I left San Francisco to go back to DC? Well I’m sure that I’d have some essence of job security and snag up a job with some of my connections/networks, but I’d again fear that I’ve quit and given up on trying to become something in San Francisco…and I’m not ready for that. I told myself and other people that if I didn’t get a job soon, that I’d go work at Border’s or Best Buy or some place like that. I’m not sure what’s going on with that. I’d like to think that I’m not making empty promises or something like that.
Here’s some interesting scenarios that I was thinking about:
- What if I left SF and decided to simply spend my money and go traveling to different conferences without a care in the world? Answer: I’d probably be broke & homeless.
- What if I stayed in SF and booked my trips to go to different conferences and traveled back and forth to wherever I wanted? Answer: I’d be broke and would never get a job that I wanted.
I swear that I’m way too analytical and am thinking this out too much. I don’t know…there’s a lot of “what ifs”. I think I need to think this out some more…I’m hitting a slump or something.
Popularity: 39% [?]
Daily Life
I think I’m pretty proud of what happened today. Election day is coming up in a few days and I just realized that with the massive crowds expected during November 4, I didn’t want to be waiting around in line just to cast my vote…I mean, it’s not as if I currently have anything else better to do on Election Day, but I wanted to make sure that I had my voice heard without running into any glitches that may happen during the day. So I woke up early to head down to City Hall in San Francisco to cast my vote early. I’m thankful that I got this opportunity to vote too…that’s really the reason why I got my new license and registered. I didn’t want to vote in this election in an absentee capacity so I went ahead and changed my residency…and it’s a good thing too.
So I voted (in case I didn’t make it abundantly clear)…and chose who I wanted for my president & vice-president. Then I got to choose the next congressperson. I’m probably the most proudest of saying “No on Prop 8″ and allowing gay marriage to take place in California. We’ll see if my choices made a difference, but I’m satisfied that I got to vote…so now I can complain if things don’t go my way…at least I tried to make a difference, yeah?
Other than that, I think I’ve walked quite a bit today as well. Went through downtown and SOMA before heading back home and then decided to visit the beach. Of course I couldn’t have chosen a worse time as it was foggy as hell and somewhat cold. Surfers were out in the water so I took my camera to capture them surfing…didn’t turn out well either. It sucked, but at least I got to visit the beach. Had dinner with my cousin afterwards down on Irving and that was pretty much it. Can’t say that there’s anything much more that I did today, but it was a pretty interesting day. Now just to wait to see what other stuff I can cram in while I’m looking for work.
Popularity: 37% [?]
Daily Life, Politics, San Francisco Move
So on my continuous path to exploring the city and surrounding areas, I’ve decided to hit up the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I figured it would be a pretty interesting exhibit but what surprised me is that they are putting together new exhibits so as a result, they cut admission in half until October 24 (which ended yesterday), but wound up closing the top floors of the museum. Bummer…so I was resigned to wandering through two floors of the museum. They had some pretty cool exhibits there: one on Vegas imagery and the other one was on photography (xray, radiation, movie, and still). Too bad that I couldn’t snap any photos from that particular part of the museum because they were really well done. I tried to look for this particular photo of a playing card being sliced in half by a bullet in the museum gallery, but unfortunately they didn’t have it. I would have liked to have that to frame and place on my wall.
Overall, the SF Museum of Modern Art is a pretty good deal. I’m not sure what else they’re going to be putting in there, but maybe I’ll have to go back and check it out.
Popularity: 32% [?]
Daily Life, Sightseeing
Museum of Modern Art, SF MoMA
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