How bad does it have to get before you’re depressed?
Honestly, is it when you think that things can’t possibly get more depressing in the world that you start to feel it being unemployed that you find yourself in a hole you can’t crawl out of? When does pride start being less and less important and you decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and get out of your rut?
I’m in month #3 right now here in San Francisco and I’ve had some fun in my time here, walking around and seeing the sights, doing things that are pretty cool. But as each day goes on, I’m finding myself still wishing that I had some form of income…and insurance. Frankly, I’m getting worried. I don’t know whether to stick it out here for the next few months or return back to my sense of security back at home and face the fact of going back with my proverbial “tail tucked in-between my legs”. It can be humbling…and I’m not sure if I’m willing to throw it all away.
Where’s the professional development? Where’s my motivation? Where’s the fact that I want to be something? I dunno…perhaps it’s because I’m a little bit depressed and not motivated. This has to stop. I’ve had people in the past few weeks tell me that I should just go back home and continue my former position. Is that an option? Probably. Do I want to do that? Not entirely…but it IS a stable job thus far, but I’m not sure that it’s something I’m gonna be stress-free about. But would I be able to snatch another job in the area easily? I don’t know because frankly, where ARE the jobs? There aren’t any jobs…and it’s even more depressing.
How has my job search been going? It’s been doing simply that…going. There’s nothing more to say except that I’ve applied and now I’m waiting. But what about the other three jobs that I was sure I had a pretty good chance at? Well as it turns out, I obviously didn’t get them. Why? They wanted someone else…or they decided they didn’t need the position…or simply because they just felt they didn’t need to communicate a decision and my efforts to contact them went unheeded. So I’m moving on…and waiting.
You might be asking: So why aren’t you moving back home?
Like I said…it’s more of a sense of pride. I came out here to prove something. I told practically everyone that I was confident that I would get a job even with the crappy economy. I’m here to set a goal for myself dammit, and I’m really not keen on retreating and not saving face, dammit! This is where my industry is and I’d like to at least have a chance!
Other selfish reasons:
- I like the area…I need to explore the Bay Area some more because I don’t know when I’ll have another chance.
- I have a one year lease on my apartment and don’t think it would go well on my credit report or my rental history if I ditch in two months into my lease - although I don’t know how my landlord would take it.
- Paid a lot of money to ship my stuff over here and I’m not too happy about shipping stuff back.
So we’re here now…at day 78. Will anything change by the end of the month? Probably not. By the end of the year? Most likely not. Will I move back home? That’s anyone’s guess, but don’t rule it out.
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