Corner of Whatever

So yet another fun trip home…and I’m having no problem dealing with being here. It’s fun and I’ll get to spend a day back in DC talking to some former co-workers and also some other folks. Will try to do some small-kine sightseeing, but with only a few hours, that might be a little constrained.

But the real issue is me flying out on Tuesday morning. And just like my last night here, I’m having more problems getting ready for the trip back to San Francisco. It’s pretty nerve-wracking as well…because I’m now needing to bring another suitcase, but at the same time am taking more items with me. Didn’t help that I’m overpacking, as usual, on any trip. So now I’m bringing back some more books, a tripod, more clothes, and some food. But there’s always so much other stuff that I’d like to bring back but unfortunately can’t. I dunno…

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So about seven months ago, I got the Blackberry Curve because I loved the Blackberry 8800 World Edition that I used for work before. It was pretty cool having my first Blackberry and one that had a camera built in. That’s probably why I got it rather than the World Edition because I wanted to be able to take photos and post them online and the Curve had it. But recently, I’ve been having some major problems with it and even had to call Verizon’s technical support to send out a replacement phone.

What happened? Well I have several email addresses tailored to feed into the Blackberry along with some other applications, including CNN, NY Times, Twitterberry, Gmail, Wikipedia, Gtalk, Facebook and Google mobile. Not that many fancy applications and they’re all made by pretty credible companies/brands. But the problem I’m encountering is the response time. It takes a lot of time (approximately 10-15 seconds or more) just to access my message list and when it does freeze, it’ll take minutes for the damn thing to rebuild the message list. I had also deleted many of the messages, but still had the same problem.

I took the phone to the local Verizon store in San Francisco, but all they told me was that I needed to upgrade the Blackberry OS to 4.5 because of some known issues and then to delete the event log (Hold “ALT” and press L+G+L+G). Then they suggested that if if didn’t fix the problem, that they would send me a replacement phone. So of course it doesn’t work so I got a new replacement phone…a “brand new” Blackberry Curve. But did it solve the problem? No!

I’m still encountering issues with the message list of all my text messages and emails loading slowly both the list and the individual messages. In addition, the phone dialog section is craping out on me too. When I make a phone call and hit the “End” button, the screen freezes up on me too! So not only does that take forever to get off the screen but there’s nothing I can do about it. The memory on the phone is fine…still have plenty. Not sure what’s going on. Right now I’m not overly impressed with the Blackberry Curve.

Took it to another Verizon store and they told me it’s the applications…a lot of third-party applications. Okay, I can buy that. So I delete all of them and leave only the base model with all my text messages and emails. I delete a lot of text messages and it still is giving me slow response times. Not sure what’s going on, but I’m guessing I will have to deal with it for the next year while I have this contract…or once I have the necessary funds, I’ll take another stab at a different phone.

Not sure what’s going on with the Blackberry Curve.

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Technology blackberry, blackberry curve, blackberry curve issues, blackberry curve problems, cellphone, PDA, smartphone, Verizon, Verizon Wireless

Honestly, is it when you think that things can’t possibly get more depressing in the world that you start to feel it being unemployed that you find yourself in a hole you can’t crawl out of? When does pride start being less and less important and you decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and get out of your rut?

I’m in month #3 right now here in San Francisco and I’ve had some fun in my time here, walking around and seeing the sights, doing things that are pretty cool. But as each day goes on, I’m finding myself still wishing that I had some form of income…and insurance. Frankly, I’m getting worried. I don’t know whether to stick it out here for the next few months or return back to my sense of security back at home and face the fact of going back with my proverbial “tail tucked in-between my legs”. It can be humbling…and I’m not sure if I’m willing to throw it all away.

Where’s the professional development? Where’s my motivation? Where’s the fact that I want to be something? I dunno…perhaps it’s because I’m a little bit depressed and not motivated. This has to stop. I’ve had people in the past few weeks tell me that I should just go back home and continue my former position. Is that an option? Probably. Do I want to do that? Not entirely…but it IS a stable job thus far, but I’m not sure that it’s something I’m gonna be stress-free about. But would I be able to snatch another job in the area easily? I don’t know because frankly, where ARE the jobs? There aren’t any jobs…and it’s even more depressing.

How has my job search been going? It’s been doing simply that…going. There’s nothing more to say except that I’ve applied and now I’m waiting. But what about the other three jobs that I was sure I had a pretty good chance at? Well as it turns out, I obviously didn’t get them. Why? They wanted someone else…or they decided they didn’t need the position…or simply because they just felt they didn’t need to communicate a decision and my efforts to contact them went unheeded. So I’m moving on…and waiting.

You might be asking: So why aren’t you moving back home?

Like I said…it’s more of a sense of pride. I came out here to prove something. I told practically everyone that I was confident that I would get a job even with the crappy economy. I’m here to set a goal for myself dammit, and I’m really not keen on retreating and not saving face, dammit! This is where my industry is and I’d like to at least have a chance!

Other selfish reasons:

• I like the area…I need to explore the Bay Area some more because I don’t know when I’ll have another chance.
• I have a one year lease on my apartment and don’t think it would go well on my credit report or my rental history if I ditch in two months into my lease - although I don’t know how my landlord would take it.
• Paid a lot of money to ship my stuff over here and I’m not too happy about shipping stuff back.

So we’re here now…at day 78. Will anything change by the end of the month? Probably not. By the end of the year? Most likely not. Will I move back home? That’s anyone’s guess, but don’t rule it out.

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Daily Life

No, before you ask…I am not going to join the Army or any other branch of the armed forces. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about it…but I’m not going to. I thought it would be nice, but that’s not the point of me writing this…

I’ve been on a “slump” recently over the past couple of months…and it’s no one’s fault. Maybe it’s because the country is a bit more pessimistic and I’m falling into that category of people who are in disbelief over the economy and the future. Sure, Barack Obama is promising change and I’m inspired by what he says, but that’s about it. Where are the changes going to happen and will it take place in the next year or are some of us doomed to live off the savings that most of us have now because of the unemployment rate? I’m not making excuses for why I’m not working…because I have applied to quite a few places. Although the last benchmark that I have was my last stint at unemployment which lasted about nine months…so I’m already two months into that.

But looking back in my gloom and slightly depressed mode, I become more reflective. Then the question comes to mind…are you sure you know what you want in life? Is where you are what you thought you’d be doing five years after you’ve graduated from college? I’m wondering whether marketing is my passion right now…I’m sure that it is, but what about photography? I love walking around with a camera. Is that something I should be focusing my efforts on right now? Is web design still something I enjoy doing? Haven’t done that for a few months or at least a year, so it could come back to me…just seeking that ounce of inspiration and motivation.

Have I become all that I want to be? No…I’m damn sure that I haven’t. Job aside, I need to get back on my feet and start doing what I’ve been doing few years ago…I need to start taking some initiative and remember that nothing is being handed to me. I need to go out and not be lazy and do things myself…now let’s see some motivation!

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Daily Life

I was speaking with someone yesterday and they brought up the fact that the way things are right now, I should just pack up and head back east to hang out back in the mid-atlantic area. So what if I did that? I suppose that it’s been giving me some serious stuff to think about.

First, what about saving face? I came out here to try something new. Yes, the economy sucks majorly and I’m still looking for work, but right now it always seems that I’m making some really bad decisions. Looking back, I probably should have stuck it out in DC and perhaps probably gone to another company instead of shipping out. Either that or spend a couple of weeks out here in San Francisco and look for what I’m interested in here rather than giving up a cushy job in DC. Yes, I liked working in DC, but there were some “downsides” of being there. I think the bug of being in SF had greater appeal and I was hoping that I’d have a better chance of getting a job.

I think I seriously had a swelled head…here I am thinking that with my qualifications and experience, I’d be able to get a job in any company. The economy was a major blow but then again, the people who are looking at my resume are simply not responding. Maybe I’m just not connected…seeing that it’s taken me nearly two years in DC just to meet a few people and for them to notice me and take my knowledge and insights seriously.

What if I left San Francisco to go back to DC? Well I’m sure that I’d have some essence of job security and snag up a job with some of my connections/networks, but I’d again fear that I’ve quit and given up on trying to become something in San Francisco…and I’m not ready for that. I told myself and other people that if I didn’t get a job soon, that I’d go work at Border’s or Best Buy or some place like that. I’m not sure what’s going on with that. I’d like to think that I’m not making empty promises or something like that.

Here’s some interesting scenarios that I was thinking about:

• What if I left SF and decided to simply spend my money and go traveling to different conferences without a care in the world? Answer: I’d probably be broke & homeless.
• What if I stayed in SF and booked my trips to go to different conferences and traveled back and forth to wherever I wanted? Answer: I’d be broke and would never get a job that I wanted.

I swear that I’m way too analytical and am thinking this out too much. I don’t know…there’s a lot of “what ifs”. I think I need to think this out some more…I’m hitting a slump or something.

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Daily Life